Lauren London, actress and partner to the late Nipsey Hussle, recently opened up about her ongoing grief following his tragic death in 2019. During an emotional appearance on the A Really Good Cry podcast with Radhi Devlukia, London candidly discussed the pain she continues to carry and how she’s coping more than four years after losing Nipsey, who was fatally shot outside his Marathon Clothing store.

“I still feel like a mess, that’s the thing,” London admitted, revealing the weight of her grief is still heavy. “I guess I have to ask my friends how far I’ve come because I still genuinely feel like I have not arrived anywhere… I feel like I’m really heavy a lot.” Despite her inner turmoil, she credited her resilience to her faith. “I have to counter that with the grace of God because if it was up to me, I’d be sliding in here on my stomach.”

London was quick to acknowledge that her journey of healing has involved immense effort. “I don’t want to take away from the work that I’ve done from then until now,” she added, reflecting on the balance between accepting her progress and honoring her deep grief.

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For London, her two children have been a significant part of her healing process. She and Nipsey shared a son together, and both have children from previous relationships. London noted that helping her children process their father’s death has been a unique challenge, especially given their ages—one is 14, and the other is 7. “It’s so different with both of them,” she shared, emphasizing her role as an emotional anchor. “I’m always, like, a container for whatever emotion they have. I’m just like, ‘It’s OK to feel all these things. I’m holding it for you, I feel you, I understand, I hear you.’”

To help her kids cope, London encourages them to express their feelings through creative outlets like journaling. “I’m always telling them to write him a letter, tell him how you feel,” she said. In addition, she keeps Nipsey’s presence alive in their household by playing his music regularly, which serves as a reminder of the legacy he left behind.

Since Nipsey’s untimely death, London has spoken about the importance of community and faith in helping her through the darkest moments. On the podcast, she reflected on how her support system has lifted her up: “God just placed people in my life that can kinda just usher me in and teach me and guide me. I always say the prayer of strangers held me up.”

The actress’s raw vulnerability in sharing her continued struggles is a reminder that grief is a long journey—one that doesn’t have a clear end. As she continues to navigate life without Nipsey, London remains committed to her healing, both for herself and her family.